while watching a tv show with mom and dad we randomly started talking about one of my friends that i had had coffee with earlier. she’d just accepted a job in LA and was moving tomorrow. she’s never had experience in this field but it was an opportunity and she took it. then suddenly, mom mentioned some word in korean and dad took the cue and told me how if i really want to go then he would support me going to portfolio school.
rewind a couple days back, i’d used the portfolio school’s financial calculator to see if it was feasible for me to go. i didn’t like what i saw so i sent one final email to the lady who’s been persistently contacting me for the past year that the tuition was just too much and that i would not be able to go (at least for the time being). i’d told mom about the financial calculator but didn’t expect nor did i want for her to tell dad. she did. cause as dad said, telling mom something is the same as telling him.
so dad said that if it were financials that were the only thing stopping me from going, that i should go and it’ll be taken care of. that’s not to say that he has some sudden influx of money right now. he said he’d probably have to take out a home equity loan, whatever that is (he explained but i still didn’t completely get it). but he said go. go if i really wanted to. go if it was the best path for me. go.
see, at this point, i really feel like going to this school is the best option. as i’ve said countless times by now, i’ve been applying to countless jobs for 6 months and have yet to receive a callback. i hate using the word “waiting” cause i feel like there’s a certain laziness and passiveness attached to it, which i really don’t think i’ve been for the past year. but there’s no other way to say it. i’ve been waiting and waiting and waiting. call me impatient, call me young, call me naive, but i am tired. i know it’s only been 6 months and i’m only 23 but it feels like eternity.
if i want to be in advertising, if i want to be in any creative industry, this school is my best bet.
as i was opening a new tab to write this blog post, i noticed the quote for today on the opening page:
The journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step. – Lao Tzu
l o l
then i opened today’s devotional from Cru and you know what the Bible reading was for today?:
10 This is what the Lord says: “When seventy years are completed for Babylon, I will come to you and fulfill my good promise to bring you back to this place.11 For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. 12 Then you will call on me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you. 13 You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart. 14 I will be found by you,” declares the Lord, “and will bring you back from captivity.[a] I will gather you from all the nations and places where I have banished you,” declares the Lord, “and will bring you back to the place from which I carried you into exile. – Jeremiah 29:10-14
ok so i’ve read that this verse is very misunderstood, like verse 11 isn’t exactly about the happy assurance of one’s future plans according to this guy… and i pretty much agree with him. but this verse still brings me hope and that’s something no one should ever let go of. i’m not 100% sure if this is God sending me signs, if this is Him speaking to me. you know when it’s hard to differentiate the voice in your head versus God’s voice? that’s what’s going on in my pea-sized brain right now.
i’ve been looking at apartments by the school for the past couple hours… hah. i haven’t even been accepted yet. look at me, getting ahead of myself, as usual.
le sigh…. i think i’m gonna decide to go… i’m definitely leaning more towards going. j said i need to just take that leap of faith (but she also said i need to get out of this state LOL).
is this it? am i finally moving on? is the next chapter of my life going to begin?